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A year-end potpourri of stray thoughts

December 26, 2016

This last post of 2016 is the blog equivalent of cleaning out the fridge to make soup. I’m pulling together leftover tidbits from my files—items that weren’t meaty enough to make a complete blog post on their own but, when mixed together, produce something that’s reasonably filling. Please have a taste:

Cat leash law

Citizen complaints about roaming felines prompted the mayor of Kenai, Alaska, and a city council member to propose a cat leash law. The council was slated to hear and vote on the issue on October 5. I emailed the city’s animal control office to see if the measure passed and received this reply: “…it’s always been on the books but we are just clarifying things. It simply means that you should be keeping your cat on your property and that it can be impounded and cost the owner a fee to pick up from the shelter if it is off their property.” Kinda puts a new spin on the concept of grabbing ‘em by the pussy, doesn’t it?

Cut the sh*t

According to online news reports, cities in Britain and Spain are taking novel approaches to get dog owners to clean up their pets’ poop. In Madrid, offending pet parents face a fine of €1,500 (about $1566) or the option to toil as street cleaners for a few days to work it off. Another Spanish town returned the droppings to pet owners who left it behind, delivering the load in boxes marked “Lost Property.” And a British municipality is using DNA testing to out dog owners who don’t scoop their pets’ poop. Mind the poo, people.

In the “he-didn’t-quite-get-the-concept” category

I once lived with a guy whose communication skills were, well, impaired. I tried to make him understand that expressing how he felt about something I did or said was a more effective way to get his point across than making accusations. I suggested that he preface his sentences with “I feel” instead of “You are.” His response? Instead of saying, “You’re a bitch,” he said, “I feel you’re a bitch.” Our relationship didn’t last.

The value of a good night’s sleep

I reconnected with a high school classmate at my 45th reunion this past summer, and we had lunch recently to catch up on each other’s lives. She’s been divorced for several years, and I asked whether she’s dating or in a relationship. Her reply? “I haven’t met anyone who’s worth staying up past 9:00 p.m. for.” The bar gets set at a different level at this stage of life, huh?

A sweet new party drug

Who’da thunk it? Already a superfood, cacao—the purest form of chocolate—is now a trendy party drug, hailed for its ability to impart a brain-boosting rush and tons of energy. Raw, virgin cacao can be eaten, drunk and even snorted. And, best of all, it’s perfectly legal. Clubs around the world are offering cacao in drinks, pills and powder, and proponents claim it triggers a surge of endorphins, which increase mental acuity and feelings of euphoria, and a flood of magnesium, which relaxes muscle tension. And then, of course, there’s this: it’s chocolate, FFS. What party isn’t made better by that?

Word play

“It was a dark and stormy night” has become a catchphrase for bad, melodramatic fiction writing. During the Republican presidential primary debates—also a bastion of bad melodrama, IMO—this variation came to mind the evening Trump felt compelled to defend the size of his penis: It was a dork and smarmy night.

But does he do windows?

I have a friend whose retired husband (semi-reluctantly) agreed to take on laundry duty for them both. In an attempt to simplify the instructions, she told him, “Basically, you can wash and dry everything except my work clothes.” With a deer-in-the-headlights look, he questioned how he’d know what “work clothes” were, so she explained that sweats and jeans were okay to wash, but that many of the clothes she wore to the office had to be hand-washed or dry-cleaned, which she’d handle, so they wouldn’t go in the hamper anyway. He relaxed somewhat until she added, “And you can put my underwear in the dryer, but not my bras.” “Oh, this is just too confusing,” he said, exasperated. “This is a man who can do plumbing, repair boat engines and a ton of other complicated things,” she related. “But laundry is confusing?”

These little slices of life got me to thinking:

How can anyone
be bored when life offers so
many distractions?

What do you think? I hope you like this year-end potpourri—your comments would be the perfect accompaniment!

P.S. I also hope your holidays have been wonderful, and that the year ahead is filled with health, happiness and peace for you and yours. Thank you for reading Boomer Haiku—connecting with you here is a real joy.

 

 

 


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  • 38 thoughts on “A year-end potpourri of stray thoughts

    1. Bren Pace says:

      LOL This is great! I have to say, I love the cat leash law. Where I live, people are allowed to have free roaming cat colonies. As long as the cats are taken care of, they can roam. However, without spaying and neutering these little putty tats, they breed….like wildfire. They also roam in and around my yard wreaking holy havoc with my dogs. Leash laws for cats is an awesome idea imo!

      Happy Holidays!

      1. Roxanne says:

        I’ve always kept my cats indoors, so have never really thought about leash laws for them (nor can I imagine trying to put a leash on them!), but I can see your point, Bren. Thanks for commenting!

    2. Ellen Paris says:

      Thank you for a year of great Monday morning cheer:)

      1. Roxanne says:

        Thanks so much, Ellen! It’s been such fun doing this kind of writing.

    3. JoAnne Eschweiler says:

      Great ending to a great year of blogs! I can’t wait for 2017. Speaking of cats on leashes…You were in college, but Mom and I used to walk Jason, our Siamese cat, on a leash to get a dish of ice cream. People got a kick out of it, and the cat didn’t seem to mind.

      1. Roxanne says:

        Thanks, Sis! Ah, Mom and her Siamese cats! Walking Jason on a leash would have been a sight to see…

    4. Haralee says:

      These are all great. I love the Word Play. Maybe, does he do windows, is like an old dog learning new tricks? My SIL taught her grand daughters at age 6,8,10 how to do laundry. Just saying….

      1. Roxanne says:

        I think it’s less an old-dog-learning-new-tricks kind of situation than a I-don’t-really-want-to-do-laundry-anyway scenario (along with the perception, perhaps, that it’s “women’s work”). And while I applaud your SIL teaching her granddaughters how to do laundry at a young age, I hope she’s teaching her grandsons as well (if she has them)! Thanks for your comment, Haralee!

        1. Donald says:

          Well, Hubs may not be able to repair an engine but he can do laundry properly. Since he’s on wife support, he follows orders well and tries to remember to say “yes, dear” often.

          1. Roxanne says:

            You were trained well–I have your mother to thank for that! XO

    5. Hey Roxanne! Merry Christmas-After! I am another one who is in favor of cat leash laws. We live in the desert southwest and have a “natural” landscape that the neighborhood cats LOVE. Little bastards! Both my husband and I are into peace and love but when we walk out our door in the morning and find some of their “gifts” it brings out the militant in me! Oh, and I feel the same about dog owners that don’t pick up after their dogs. Hmmmm…. you are so right. How can any of us be bored with so many distractions!!!! Happy 2017! ~Kathy

      1. Roxanne says:

        Merry Christmas-After and Happy 2017 to you and Thom, too! I’m sure the neighborhood cats see your natural landscape as a giant litter box. 🙂

    6. You’re a hoot! And it’s rubbing off on hubs. Happy holidays. May 2017 be a year filled with fun.

      1. Roxanne says:

        I’ll drink to that! Speaking of which, we must get together soon!

    7. Barbara says:

      It was a dork and smarmy night, indeed!

      Here’s to a disaster proof New Year!
      Cheers!!
      b

      1. Roxanne says:

        From your lips to God’s ears, Barbara! Cheers to you, too. Maybe 2017 is the year we reconnect IRL…

    8. I would love to do the dog DNA test for some of my neighbors who think it’s okay to leave dog poop lying around. Can’t imagine a cat on a leash. Men are definitely confused creatures. And, as far as the Pres-elects appendage I hope it drops off.

      1. Roxanne says:

        I’m with you on all four counts, Rebecca! 🙂 Thanks for commenting.

    9. Beth says:

      What a great way to deal with stray thoughts. And my husband can repair jet engines while the planes are in the air but laundry overwhelms him. Go figure the male mind.

      1. Roxanne says:

        Go figure, indeed! Their capacity for complexity is, shall we say, inconsistent? Thanks very much for commenting.

    10. Wendy says:

      So many opportunities to respond. As for laundry: aren’t most women’s clothes “work” clothes? There are the ones you wear to your paid work and the ones you wear for you non-paid work. Doesn’t sound like it will be such a big job for the hubby.
      As for cats: I find dead birds almost as objectionable as dog poop. Which brings me to that subject: I like the DNA idea, plus adding a list in the local paper. Combine it with Spain’s idea. Absolutely no more problem!!!

      1. Roxanne says:

        You make an excellent point about women’s “work” clothes! And it sounds like there could be a cottage industry in managing dog poop scofflaws. Thanks for joining the conversation, Wendy! It’s nice to “see” you here!

    11. Mike Parent says:

      Hey Roxanne. I would be more than willing to work a “few” days for $1566.00. I could probably give up my part-time job.
      Hope you and Don have happy and safe holidays.

      1. Roxanne says:

        Um, wouldn’t it just be easier to scoop the poop instead of working off a fine? Hope you and Terry have happy holidays, too. We’ll have to get together in the new year!

    12. shelley says:

      I can relate to way too many of these!

      1. Roxanne says:

        That’s good, right? Thanks for taking the time to comment!

    13. Delightful! And who knew cacao was a drug? No idea. My favorite has to be the poop penalties. I mean. YES.

      1. Roxanne says:

        Thanks, Carol! Yeah, cacao as a party drug–who knew?

    14. Roz Warren says:

      I love this “cleaning out the fridge to make soup” random musings format — you should do it more often than once a year!

      1. Roxanne says:

        Thanks for the encouragement, Roz! It is an expedient way to put a post together and not “waste” anything. Happy New Year to you!

    15. Love it! Cat leash law! And not meeting anyone worth staying up with is a pretty depressing thought! But, yes, I think the bar would be pretty high at this stage of life!

      1. Roxanne says:

        Thanks, Tam! I can’t imagine walking a cat, although I understand it can be done (evidently, my mother did it with one of her Siamese cats after I left home). And as for meeting someone worth staying up for, well, let’s just say I’m glad I’m married! I appreciate your commenting!

    16. Funny end-of-year thoughts, Roxanne. I blew soup through my nose when I read about the relationship fiasco and the man who took on the laundry. Happy New Year!

      1. Roxanne says:

        Thank you, Molly–glad to be of service! 🙂 Happy new year to you, too–I look forward to sharing more laughs with you (through our blogs and IRL) in 2017.

    17. Who needs a cat leash law? We absolutely LOVE having cat crap all over the garden where the grandchildren play. And the rights of the cat owners are so important, I think we should just put up with their little pussies using our flower beds as filthy stinking cat toilets. Nothing against cats – very cute and cuddly little things – but I do think they should shit in their own gardens and not mine. Great post but the first item clearly hit a nerve

      1. Roxanne says:

        You crack me up, Gilly.

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