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Boomer Haiku Blog Soup #2: More random musings

February 6, 2017

I’m making blog soup again—creating a concoction out of tidbits from my notes and files to produce what I hope you’ll find to be a tasty read:

Excuses for when a simple no won’t do

While “no” is a complete sentence and uttering it tends to get easier as we get older, sometimes we still feel compelled to give an excuse for turning down an invitation. So here are a couple of options inspired by real life: “I just took a dose of Miralax and really shouldn’t leave the house” or “I just trimmed my lady garden and it’s starting to itch, so I really shouldn’t be out in public.” These excuses may also discourage future invitations, so use them accordingly.

Embellishing the airline barf bag

I recently read an item about a greeting card artist who drew on the white barf bag in her seat pocket during a flight home for Christmas. One side read, “Heave ho, ho, ho!” and on the reverse was the sentiment, “Feel better soon.” Hmm…maybe I’ll compose a haiku on the barf bag the next time I fly. How about you—got any embellishment ideas?

Are you at risk of losing a parent or spouse?

I mean that literally—do you have a loved one with dementia who tends to wander off? Well, a city in Japan has found a solution. Just as some folks microchip their pets to make sure they’re found when lost, officials in Iruma—a city near Tokyo—are supplying tiny waterproof QR code stickers to families with elderly relatives at risk of wandering away from home and getting lost. The QR stickers, which last about a month, can be stuck onto a fingernail or carried around on a key holder. What’ll they think of next? (A cure for Alzheimer’s would be nice.)

A new baby boomer criterion for buying a swimsuit

Few activities provoke as much fear and loathing in women as swimsuit shopping. The quest for the just-right style to minimize back fat, camouflage a menopot belly and support the girls can be daunting. And now, for a growing number of baby boomers, there’s another consideration: finding a suit that covers hip replacement scars. A friend of mine recently tried more than eight retailers before she found a suit with adequate coverage. Designers, are you paying attention?

Man flu is real!

Most women joke about “man flu” and how guys turn into babies when they get sick. Now, however, research suggests that man flu may be an actual condition, and it has to do with estrogen—or, more to the point, men’s lack of it.

Scientists at Johns Hopkins University infected nasal cells from a range of male and female donors with the influenza A virus. They first exposed the uninfected cells to estrogen and a class of drugs called selective estrogen receptor modulators (SERMs), which produce estrogen-like effects.

They found that any female cells treated with estrogen or SERMs showed a far greater resistance to infection, with viral loads far lower than male cells treated with estrogen. This strongly suggests that estrogen has female-specific antiviral qualities and that, even after treatment, male nasal cells are no more resistant to the infection. So (cough, cough) who’s the weaker (and, dare I say, whinier) sex?

Are little white lies the gateway drug to stronger alternative facts?

According to a British study published in the journal Nature Neuroscience, the amygdala—the region of the brain involved in the processing and expression of emotions, especially anger and fear—becomes desensitized with each little white lie we tell. In other words, the more we lie, the less the brain responds, resulting in the proverbial slippery slope on which small fibs can escalate into big whoppers. Or, as Team Trump purports, alternative facts.

SwampButt UnderwearTM obliterates the blight of butt sweat

A writer friend recently received a press release about a line of wicking underwear for men who sweat a great deal, particularly below the waist. The company is doing a Valentine’s Day promo for those struggling to let their special someone know how terrible his sweaty backside looks and/or smells, and will send a pair (or pairs) of their red performance underwear to that sopping-wet significant other without exposing the giver’s identity. Nothing says romance like some red butt-sweat wicking underwear, huh?

Just when I think I’ve
seen or heard it all, along
comes today’s newsfeed.

What do you think about any of these blog soup items? What’s the wackiest thing you’ve seen or read about lately? Do you believe little white lies are harmless? What has you shaking your head in disbelief these days? Please share!

 

 

 


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  • 20 thoughts on “Boomer Haiku Blog Soup #2: More random musings

    1. Barbara says:

      The entire Republican party has me shaking my head these days.

      1. Roxanne says:

        Oh, yeah. And then some.

    2. Haralee says:

      I love the No excuses. Now I am troubled that I don’t have any estrogen left so I am turning into a whining man child!

      1. Roxanne says:

        Oh, my hunch is that you could NEVER be a whining man-child, Haralee–regardless of estrogen supply!

    3. Karen Austin says:

      Swamp Butt underwear. What will they think of next. But seriously, the microchips for wandering elders sounds like a great innovation. But I agree, a cure would be preferable. Thanks for all these fun and interesting tidbits.

      1. Roxanne says:

        Thanks so much for taking time to comment, Karen!

    4. pia says:

      I love the excuses too, as I’m always looking for some new and inventive ones.
      “No, I’m going for my final cataract surgery consult later this week, and won’t be able to see the Super Bowl though I know you have at least 3 TV’s that are 60″ or more” doesn’t cut it when it’s a party of mostly 40something year olds—though more and more 40somethings do need cataract surgery, they don’t like to hear it from somebody who is “the right age,” I found out. “But I’m less mature than you” isn’t a great answer to that one, I found out also. I used to be so great with excuses but they never involved health/age issues. My creativity seems to be on hiatus along with my eyes!

      1. Roxanne says:

        Well, getting older is one of those good news/bad news situations when it comes to formulating excuses. The good news is we tend to have more health issues to use as excuses. The bad news is we tend to have more health issues to use as excuses. Of course there’s always, simply, “No, but thanks for asking.” It does get easier to utter. May your surgery be uneventful, Pia!

    5. Roz Warren says:

      Fascinating! Maybe that cumulative lying thing explains how my ex was able to have a secret girlfriend on the side for over a decade and successfully keep that hidden from me. The lies kept piling up until they were easy!

      1. Roxanne says:

        That could certainly explain it, Roz! His amygdala was totally desensitized (throw out that phrase at your next cocktail party!). Thank you for commenting.

    6. shelley says:

      Now I have some excuses I can use that I’d never even thought of before LOL! Love it.

      1. Roxanne says:

        Glad to have helped, Shelley! 🙂 Thanks very much for commenting.

    7. Love your two excuses. I’m sure you wouldn’t get an invitation again if you used those LOL:) A great read; thanks, Roxanne. Brought a smile to my face to start the day.

      1. Roxanne says:

        There may be some circumstances in which avoiding another invitation would be a good thing! Thanks for commenting, Sue.

    8. margaret says:

      I like to read about people who create professions out of opportunity. It has become very popular to make your family spread your ashes (over the ocean, over camp, over my favorite sailboat, etc.), but what about the person who has no family??
      Let me introduce “George”, who will take your ashes anywhere you desire…for a small prepaid fee of course. For instance, if Hawaii was a favorite place, you can contract with “George” to fly and distribute your ashes on an island of your choosing for a prepayment of only $20,000.

      Apparently “George” is very busy, fulfilling wishes of the deceased, as well as wishes of families who really don’t want to distribute all those ashes.

      Pretty smart.

      1. Roxanne says:

        Well, thanks for letting me know about this service, George–I mean, Margie! 🙂

    9. Besides the president you mean? I think I could use a few of those microchips around here. I guess I’ll have to take momma to the vet!

      1. Roxanne says:

        Vets could start a new service line! Actually, I’m surprised more places in the U.S. haven’t made those QR code labels available to help track our elders, Rena! Thank you for commenting.

    10. SwampButt Underwear–OMG hilarious!!

      1. Roxanne says:

        What’ll they think of next, huh?

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