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31 traits men and vaginas have in common

February 13, 2017

Last Valentine’s Day, I posted a blog about the traits women and penises have in common. Because this baby boomer is a firm believer in turnabout being fair play, this year I’ve compiled a list about the qualities that men share with vaginas. Here goes:

  • They both can be perceived as dark and mysterious
  • Some people judge them based on their outward appearance, especially their hair
  • Some people prefer them without any hair at all
  • They both can get sore if you rub them the wrong way
  • They’re not always receptive to being touched or poked
  • They tend to be able to endure more when they’re younger
  • Conversely, they can become less accommodating as they get older
  • People of the opposite sex can be afraid of them
  • Some people have a hard time calling them by their real name
  • They often don’t know their own strength
  • They tend to communicate non-verbally
  • Regular workouts keep them strong and flexible
  • They can shut down if a situation is too intense
  • They rarely like being grabbed
  • They both can be called a pussy
  • They tend to be non-emotional
  • They resent other people—especially members of the opposite sex—making decisions on their behalf
  • While alcohol can help them relax, too much can impair their ability to function
  • They tend to allow only those they trust most to see inside them
  • Sometimes it’s difficult for them to open up
  • Having kids can stretch them pretty thin and even wear them out
  • People are sometimes amazed at what comes out of them
  • They both fart (different physiological processes, but the sound is similar)
  • People can be surprised at how much weight they’re able to lift (think I’m kidding? Check out this Wikipedia entry on vaginal weightlifting)
  • Self-examination can be difficult
  • Sometimes they just want to be left alone
  • Sometimes they open themselves up to the wrong people
  • In some situations, advancing step by step can be more productive than just plunging in
  • They both can be thin-skinned
  • Some of them like men, while others prefer women
  • Sometimes they undergo cosmetic surgery to rejuvenate themselves

And just as women and penises have their differences, so do men and vaginas. To wit:

  • The vagina has way more nicknames than any individual guy
  • Society remains much more accepting of an experienced guy than an experienced vagina
  • The word douche is a noun in relation to a man (something he is), whereas it’s a verb in relation to the vagina (since it’s something a woman does to that part of her anatomy)
  • Vaginas pretty much always have an asshole nearby, while men can choose who they hang out with

And perhaps the ultimate distinction comes from this quote attributed to nonagenarian Betty White: “Why do people say ‘grow some balls?’ Balls are weak and sensitive. If you want to be tough, grow a vagina. Those things can take a pounding.”

But as I wrote last year, in a world filled with so much trouble and strife—including between the sexes—let’s be mindful of our commonalities instead of our differences, especially as we mark this holiday devoted to love. In other words:

Let’s celebrate our
similarities; that’s the
long and short of it.

What do you think? Are there other traits you think men have in common with the vagina? Notable ways in which we’re different? Please share! P.S. Happy Valentine’s Day!


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  • 20 thoughts on “31 traits men and vaginas have in common

    1. Haralee says:

      Very clever! Very funny! Very true!
      Happy Valentine’s Day!

      1. Roxanne says:

        Thank you, Haralee!

    2. Glenda says:

      I agree with Betty White!! This was fantastic. I always appreciate humorous facts.

      1. Roxanne says:

        Thanks, Glenda! Nice to “see” you here!

    3. michelle says:

      Hahaha…THIS is awesome! I love it.

      1. Roxanne says:

        Glad you like it, Michelle–thanks for letting me know!

    4. So true and hilarious! I clicked over to the vagina weightlifting. I think I’m traumatized. The world record is 30lbs!!!!

      1. Roxanne says:

        Can you imagine??? I’m amazed not only that women can do that but also enjoy the notoriety. I’m sure it makes for some interesting cocktail party conversation…!

    5. Beth says:

      Raucous and wonderful.

      1. Roxanne says:

        Thanks, Beth! Raucous is good!

    6. Jeff says:

      As a guy I would like to say, great article! Amusing, but so on the mark.

      1. Roxanne says:

        Thanks, Jeff! I appreciate you joining the conversation!

    7. margaret says:

      I would like to be having a glass of wine with you as you write your blog……. Your brain is an incredible machine!!

      1. Roxanne says:

        Anytime, Margie! I’m always up for a glass of wine–and our conversations often fuel blog ideas…

    8. Ellen Dolgen says:

      Love this! AND……….love that quote from Betty White. Just one question, did this blog take a lot of research????

      1. Roxanne says:

        Ha, ha! No, I just asked my vagina some questions while we were working out…:-)

    9. Ha ha ha ha ha and a million more ha ha’s! The only thing I can think of is that like many older men, my vag would consider coming out of retirement for the right sum of money. Wadaya mean there’s a name for that?! A brilliant piece for Valentine’s – love it!

      1. Roxanne says:

        Good one, Gilly!

    10. Jennifer says:

      I love the douche comparison. So true (and so funny.)

      1. Roxanne says:

        Thanks, Jennifer! I appreciate your comment!

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